A 30-something mom of two gets breast cancer

Brief synopsis of the difficult life event that you experienced:

I had breast cancer, and you’d think that wouldn’t be so shocking since about 1 in 8 women get it. But I was young (34 at the time of diagnosis), and the common perception back in 2004, when I found a lump in my left breast while washing in the shower, was that “young women don’t get breast cancer.” The OB/GYN who felt the lump after I’d discovered it told me I could probably wait on getting a mammogram because the mass would likely do no harm. It was probably nothing. Except that is was something. So, yea, I had breast cancer, and it was shocking.

Your Story/The Circumstances:

I was 34, married, with two little boys (3 and 18 months), and I was scurrying around in life as a happy stay-at-home mom. Playgroups, mommy gatherings, a few hours a week watching a friend’s daughter, and lots of family time consumed my world.

And then it all came crashing down.

Breast cancer.

I’m a worrier, so there was no way I could wait on the mammogram my doctor prescribed. I had the procedure days later, and at first, things looked good — the mammogram doc did not see anything suspicious. But that’s only because young breasts contain dense tissue, and it’s hard to pick up problems via mammography. An ultrasound told the real story: a solid mass — not a cyst, because there was no water. The doctor said, “I want it out and in a jar.” I asked her if it could be cancer. She said, “yes.”

A needle biopsy revealed breast cancer. I got the news over the phone the day before Thanksgiving, and what followed would swallow up more than a year of my life: lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, more drug therapy, physical therapy, counseling, and more. The worst is behind me, but the journey goes on. There are mammograms, MRIs, check-ups with two different oncologists, and in my future is a routine of heart monitoring – some of my treatment can compromise heart function, significant mostly after the eight-year survival mark. I’m at almost six years now.

Someone once told me I’d be lucky to have heart disease later down the line, because it would mean I’d lived long enough to experience it. Harsh? Maybe. True, absolutely.

Cancer teaches a new way of thinking, and looking back on it all now, I think it hasn’t been all that bad. I mean, I ended up with a writing career after being “discovered” on my Breast Cancer blog (cancerspot.org), I got better hair, I work harder at stressing less and loving more, and I have the true privilege of helping others (I just sent my wig to Ohio recently so a new friend could use it).

Would I go so far as to call cancer a gift? Yes, I think I would.

Age at the time:

34

What were some things that others did for you that helped the MOST:

My favorite gift, sent from a woman I didn’t know very well at all: a pair of fluffy, cozy, soft yellow socks. Also great were meals from friends, a hand-made quilt with mom-friend signatures, books quietly left on my front porch, and oh, how I love candles! Another great gift was when friends just showed up at my treatments and sat with me. One friend also made a donation in my name to my favorite charity (St. Jude’s).

What were the WORST things that others DID or SAID:

The absolute worst words spoken to me came from my oncologist. “You need to toughen up,” she said, when I called her and revealed I was so sick I could barely stand up. “Maybe you need more support,” she told me. Nope, that wasn’t it. I needed to be in the hospital, and I was the next day, with blood counts numbering 700 – they should have been between 4,000 and 10,000. Those were the last words I ever heard from that doctor. I was assigned a new oncologist immediately. I love him.

What do you WISH someone would have done for you:

I wish someone had “made” me rest more. I’m not the type to want or accept help, so I typically declined if someone asked if they could take my kids for a few hours, for example. Maybe if someone had just shown up, put my kids in a car, and driven away, I may have surrendered.

Do you have any gift ideas or care package items that would have been helpful/useful during this time?

Yes, and they are the items I received in the mail, like comfy socks, books, a box of brownies. I also like the idea of a coupon book. The recipient gets to redeem one for grocery delivery, laundry folding, kid watching, and more.

Can you give us some emotional insight to what someone in this situation is feeling/going through:

I can share how I felt, and I’m pretty sure many of these feelings are universal – I felt shocked, scared, alone, and fearful of dying and leaving my kids without a mom. Nighttime, when the house was quiet and everyone was sleeping, was especially dark and lonely. I felt consumed by the hours spent waiting in doctors’ offices and confused by all the decisions I had to make. I felt physical pain and mental pain – I was very weepy, and I ended up taking an anti-depressant for a year and a half to even out my emotions. I hated being bald, and bloated, and by the end of chemotherapy, I was thoroughly repulsed by the process – for five years, I couldn’t eat the foods brought to me during my chemo infusions.

Somewhere in the midst of my cancer journey, though, I got well. And I am no longer lost, confused, or scared – in fact, if cancer comes back, I’m convinced I can do it all again. And I no longer feel alone, because I know for a fact that young women do get breast cancer, and there is a rich community of survivors out there willing to lend a hand.

A special thank you to Jacki Donaldson for sharing her insight with us. Be sure to check out her blogs:

CancerSpot.org

BravingBoys.org