What to do for a teenage boy whose mom dies of a massive heart attack

What to do for a teenager whose mother passes away unexpectedly:

An interview with someone who’s lived through it…

Please give a brief synopsis of the difficult life event that you experienced:

My mother passed away from a massive heart attack when I was only 17 years old.

Your Story/The Circumstances:

When I was 17 years old, midway through my first year in college and away from home for the very first time, my basketball coach woke me up at 3am and told me my mother had a massive heart attack and did not make it.  I was completely devastated.  You see I was adopted and raised by my mother so losing the only parent I ever knew almost destroyed me.  I immediately flew home to Maryland and had to take the lead in planning my mother’s funeral services.  My grandmother (my mom’s mom) was so crushed she could barely stand at times.  During this time I contemplated not returning to school and honoring my athletic scholarship.  But after much prayer and my mother’s “whispers” I decided to go back to school.  I ended up graduating in just 4 years and earning athlete of the year honors (even after breaking my foot, the summer before my senior year).

Age at the time: 17

What were some things that others did for you that helped the MOST:

What helped me most during that difficult period was for people to listen.  To let me cry.  To let me go through the full range of emotions and just stay by my side to support me when need be.

What were the WORST things that others DID or SAID:

The worst things that people did/said during that time was “I know you can’t see it now, but it will get better.”  Being so young at the time, there was absolutely no way for me to see things getting better.  When people said that it also made me feel somewhat guilty for being so angry and hurt.

What do you WISH someone would have done for you:

I can’t really say I wish someone would’ve done something different.  In a life changing event like death, the best thing people can do is just BE THERE FOR YOU in any capacity YOU need them at the time.

Do you have any gift ideas or care package items that would have been helpful/useful during this time?

A journal.  When my mom died I really started writing, especially poetry.  In the ten years since my mother’s death, I’ve written a children’s book of poetry (for my own children) and published a book entitled 10 Laws for the 21^st Century Parent (inspired by my mother of course).

Can you give us some emotional insight to what someone in this situation is feeling/going through:

Devastation, hurt, resentment, anger, confusion.  There are no words that can fully describe how someone feels at that time, but it certainly is a roller coaster of unpleasant feelings.  Only time and acceptance can heal such a deep wound. I’ve made peace with my mother’s passing and I know I will see her when it is my time to go.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Thank you for allowing me to share my story

A huge BluFairy Thank You to Shaun Taylor for sharing insight into this tough life experience for all of us to better be able to support someone going through a similar situation. Shaun’s latest book, 10 Laws for the 21^st Century Parent, was inspired by his late mother and enlightens parents on just how large of a role they play in shaping the lives of their children.